Play Total Soccer Manager (E)(Menace) Online

Pick a scrappy team, tweak your lineup, and watch text commentary unfold as your bargain-bin signings either become legends or flop spectacularly—all on a GBA screen.

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Game Overview

Ever wanted to run a football club without leaving your couch? Total Soccer Manager on the GBA is basically Championship Manager for your back pocket—just with more pixelated celebrations. You start by picking a team (I went with some underdog nobody’s heard of, because apparently I love suffering), then it’s all about shuffling formations, yelling at your screen when your star striker misses an open goal, and praying your budget stretches far enough for that one decent midfielder.

The menus are tiny but weirdly intuitive once you get used to them, and there’s something satisfying about scouting a random kid who turns into your top scorer. Matches play out in this condensed text-commentary style, so you’re not waiting ages—perfect for bus rides or pretending to work. Just don’t blame me when you realize you’ve spent 20 minutes agonizing over whether to play a 4-4-2 or a 3-5-2 against a relegation rival.

It’s not flashy, but if you’ve ever daydreamed about tactics while watching a real match, this’ll suck you in. My advice? Always buy a backup goalkeeper.