Play X-Man Online

You bumble through mazes dodging weird hazards (scissors? crabs?), racing to reach the center before time runs out—then it gets *real* awkward with a hilariously janky mini-game. Pure, bizarre Atari nonsense.

Released: 1983

File size: 3.25 KB

Game Overview

X-Man for the Atari 2600 is... well, exactly what it sounds like. You play as a guy who’s so distracted by, uh, other interests that he wanders through mazes ignoring actual hazards like crabs, scissors, and teeth—which, honestly, sounds like a terrible life strategy. The goal? Reach the woman waiting in the center before time runs out.

If you make it (and dodge the random dangers), you’re treated to a hilariously basic "Sexy Surprise" mini-game where you’ve got 30 seconds to, ahem, finish the job. Points depend on how fast you clear the maze and, uh, performance. It’s as ridiculous as it sounds, but weirdly compelling in that old-school, "why does this exist?" way.

Definitely not for kids. Or anyone with dignity, really.