Play xXx (F)(Patience) Online

So, xXx on GBA—yeah, the Vin Diesel movie tie-in. It’s exactly what you’d expect: a weird little mix of side-scrolling brawler bits where you punch dudes in the face, and these janky motorcycle sections that feel like someone’s half-baked attempt at a racing game. The controls are stiff, but there’s something oddly satisfying about how over-the-top it all is. Like, of course Vin’s character would just drive off a ramp while explosions happen behind him for no reason.

Digital Eclipse did their best with the tiny cartridge, I guess. The sprite work’s decent, and the music tries way too hard to be edgy in that early 2000s way. You’ll probably finish it in one sitting if you’re bored enough. It’s not good, but it’s the kind of bad that’s almost charming now.